Today's podcast is all about crap catalogs that you might get in the mail this holiday season.

Enjoy!

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Here's the transcript to today's Bowl of Cheese podcast by Jeff Cutler...

Bear in mind, if you have an idea for an upcoming show, send me an email or leave a comment at BowlOfCheese - the companion blog to the podcast.

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Toenail clipper.

Are you kidding me about how this simple metal tool can project a tiny piece of dead skin cells across a room?

Sure, it sounds a little gross so put down your cereal or coffee or mid-morning snack or handful of M&Ms. While you’re at it, why don’t you ponder the real reason toenails have to be cut in the first place. It’s because you keep fueling the engine.

Let’s talk trajectory. I don’t have a math degree or a technical understanding of quarks and protons, but I do understand a little bit about propulsion, cause and effect and kinetic energy. A toenail is NOT of this earth.

As I see it, a toenail is at rest until some other force acts upon it. And until that point it remains at rest. This is probably the same way Einstein or Newton would have put it, although I don’t know how they cut toenails…or even if they did, so maybe they would have just ushered me out of their lab and back onto the street where I might get hit by a passing stagecoach or Model T Ford.

Continuing, the toenail is similar to a piece of carrot - maybe the stubby, ugly end with the hair and knot embedded in it. When you chop the carrot you get projectiles. Nothing on the order of a fleeting toenail, but you can achieve some distance with a well-placed chop.

Maybe that’s where I’ve underestimated the lowly toenail. Perhaps the issue I should focus on isn’t mass or size or even chemical make-up. I should look at perceptions. Here we are clipping a tiny nail from a tiny toe all the way at the other end of our body.

We’re crouched over and probably huffing and puffing - unless we’re flexible, which I’m certainly not. Then we attack a toe, try and align the clippers just right. And it’s all we can do to follow the path of the trimmed nail halfway across the room without blacking out.

From the nail’s perspective, it has gone about 50-100 times its length. From our perspective, the nail has taken on an evil persona dedicated to stabbing our bare feet or grossing out our housemates. There’s more urgency and fear in the eyes of the clipper than the clippee and that’s probably a mitigating factor.

I pulled a baby carrot out of the fridge and got out a pair of food scissors.

I also pulled my baby toe up and got out a pair of nail clippers.

Then I clipped.

You know what happened?

That’s right. Same distance. Almost the same angle of projection. The nail and carrot nub came to rest within a few inches of each other on the floor under the double recliner.

Since I’m already out of breath from bending over and doing all this work - on a Friday of all days - I’m going to leave them there. It will be part of another experiment in seeing if a carrot and a toenail are similar in their decomposition rates.

Until next time, just call me little Einstein - king of the toenail kinetic energy experiment.

More to come…

Here's episode 46 of Bowl of Cheese Podcast.

This paragraph is a quick intro, you can read the rest of the transcript at Jeff Cutler dot com. Link is right HERE.

Facing that question, I sit here dirty and moody while the water heater fulfills its destiny in my basement.

From a Karma standpoint it’s probably fortunate that the water heater pilot went out last night. There are errands on my docket for the day, but no pressing deadlines and no important interviews or meetings. We all know that the great unwashed don’t make a great first impression.

Contact us with your show ideas. We love to have guest speakers and commentators!

Send us an email or just leave a comment here or at Bowl of Cheese dot com.

Thanks!

Here's the transcript to Bowl of Cheese Podcast #45. Maybe we'll make it to 50 before the summer's over.

Enjoy! And remember, if you have an idea for a Bowl of Cheese podcast, call the talk like at 206-888-2715 or leave a comment on this post. I'd be glad to have another guest host read their submission for the audience. I require you to be clean, well-spoken, fun and relevant. Podcasts are between three and five minutes long. Rants are always welcome.

Enough of that, here's the transcript..

The rain’s coming down in droplets as large as jelly-beans and the wind’s got my curtains sticking into the room at right angles to the wall.

I can feel the temperature of the air drop by many degrees. Where it was 80 earlier it’s now about 65. It’s a welcome respite from the humidity and baking temps of the past few days.

As the thunder alerts me to more unsettled weather, I wonder what’s behind our aversion to the elements.

Certainly, being struck by lightning, washed away in a flood or a tornado, and smashed to bits by tsunamis and hurricanes isn’t anyone’s idea of a great adventure. But more often than not, we huddle inside when faced with a deluge, blistering heat or high winds.

Is this a condition of our evolution? Did we evolve just to run away from the challenges of our environment?

We can’t control the weather yet. So maybe it’s a flight reaction similar to when a Hippo charges us or when we see a gun. Regardless of the reason - genetic coding or learned response - people return to their homes, cars, offices or other sanctuaries for safety when the weather goes bad.

In some ways people remind me of ants. Fill up a watering can and pour it on an anthill and those creatures respond in the same way they would if the skies opened up and water fell from above. They don’t know any better and maybe they don’t care.

But we have the knowledge that storms move over us. That rain makes us wet and that lightning, while deadly, probably isn’t going to strike us when we’re in the city or while walking down the street. So what makes us fearful?

Human skin hasn’t been found to melt. Standing in the rain won’t give you pneumonia. Tousled hair is about the worst you’re going to suffer from a summer breeze. What’s our problem?

A Livescience.com story published in 2006 told of a study by psychologist John Westefeld at the University of Iowa. He surveyed 130 people about their reaction to weather and a large number of them were affected significantly by storms, wind, rain and other phenomena.

“Of 139 people surveyed, 89 said a good storm sometimes or occasionally gets their heart pounding, and 65 said they panic now and then,” said the Livescience article.

The article’s author - Robert Roy Britt - wrapped up the article with this...

“Overall, the researchers said 73 percent of the survey participants had "a little bit" or "moderate" fear of weather, while 24 percent had none. Just 3 percent were labeled as fearing Mother Nature "quite a bit."

The results are detailed in the June (2006) issue of the Bulletin of the American Meteorological Society.”

In many cases, unless you believe in Noah and feel that we’re back on a path that will feature storms lasting a month and a half, the events only last a little while. They might cause some immediate damage to physical structures and to people’s psyches, but they’re over fairly quickly.

Perhaps it’s the spectacular nature of a sudden rainstorm that gets our attention. The sudden onset of black clouds and the chilly wind.

Except for the extraordinary storm, most events just last a little while and soon the status-quo returns. People emerge from their modern caves and go on with their lives.

In fact, the birds have started singing again and the last drops of rain are falling off the leaves. I started this column as the skies began to darken about 22 minutes ago. Now the sky is getting lighter and I guess I’ll leave my cave too.

See you inside the next time we have a storm. I’m not afraid.

Here's the 44th episode of Bowl of Cheese podcast.

Show notes are HERE.

Leave a comment if you feel like it or give us a call at 206-888-2715.

We're always looking for guest commentary. Shows are all under five minutes and explore different topics.

Today's show is on donuts and their significance in our lives. OK, in my life.

Thanks for listening!

Here's the 43rd episode of Bowl of Cheese podcast.

Show notes are HERE.

Leave a comment if you feel like it or give us a call at 206-888-2715.

We're always looking for guest commentary. Shows are all under five minutes and explore different topics.

Thanks for listening!

I have an aptitude or a nose for technology. So much so that I've been slowly weaning myself off of older communication methods and focusing on using only email, iChat, blogging and Twitter to contact people.

OK, that list seems like it's pretty complete and would cover the majority of people. Not so.

If you're reading this blog, you're still fishbowl-bound. What I mean by that is that you are in the minority of users who read, comment on, get information from, and communicate using newer Internet tools.

There are vast hoards of people who thing twittering is what birds and old women do. They think skype is a type of street gambling in New York City. They cringe at the term facebook because they think they have to pose for something. And they won't even talk about secondlife because they think it's just going to be a boring diatribe about reincarnation.

Don't get me started on SMS, IM, emoticons, YouTube, Flickr and Tumblr.

So why do we (again referring to blog readers and the general technorati) frequently lose sight of our insignificance? Are we projecting our desires on businesses, organizations and individuals in an attempt to lure them into the fish bowl with us? And why is this quest so important?

What's so great about immediate corporate transparency? Is it vital that we know TODAY why Talbot's closed their Men's Store or why Brookstone keeps trying to sell us phallic massagers?

I'm not sure how we got here, but we're being led by some very smart and driven individuals.

Numerous people have commented in technology-centric forums that the members in that forum 'get it', whatever 'it' is. Further, they applaud increased involvement and urge members to spread their knowledge.

Doesn't this sound a little like Sun Myung Moon trying to build an army of followers?

Let's step back momentarily. As I understand it, technology can be defined in two ways. Technology can mean the knowledge that is used to create gadgets. Technology can also be used interchangeably to mean those actual gadgets. For the purposes of my rant, I'm using it to mean the physical tools, not the science behind the tools.

Continuing, how soon will it be before the fishbowl of any technology turns into a fish tank and then a fish pond and then a sea or an ocean?

Maybe I'm asking too many questions, but I challenge the smart techies among us to answer.

When will podcasting really catch on? It's not even flagged by my spell-check software anymore.

And what about GPS and satellite radio and email on phones and so on and so on and so on?

Ultimately, people are going to use what they're comfortable with OR they'll become comfortable with tools and technology that enrich and simplify their lives.

I just wonder if it's simpler to live in the fishbowl and stare out at the distorted remainder of humanity. Or if struggling against the glass day after day to make a difference and enlighten another few people is our role because we get it.

Finally, when do we stop pushing? When we have all the technology we can handle? When we're buried in gadgets and goodies up to our nose?

Technology nose.

Keep reading...

A fellow podcaster - John Wall - has decided to purposely fade a little because of a super-secret plan. So, while he stays secretive and doesn't record his podcast I figured I'd throw up a little imitation art.

His site and podcast can be found here.

And this Bowl of Cheese podcast is pretty much a parody of his previous shows.

Bowl of Cheese will be back with an insightful and thought-provoking episode in a week or so.

Enjoy.

OH! And if you want to leave a comment, call us at 206-888-2715 or just visit my regular site and leave a note in the comments section.

In this episode of the Bowl of Cheese podcast, Jeff Cutler explores the Popular Science Magazine's back pages. Mostly the Showcase section of the mag..

The reading is about four minutes long. Enjoy.

For the complete transcript, visit Jeff Cutler dot com or Bowl of Cheese dot com.

And if you'd like your material to appear in Bowl of Cheese, call us at 206-888-2715 or send an email to podcast AT bowlofcheese DOT com.

This is episode 40 and is copyright by Novel Ideas.

OK, here's some third-person speaking for you...

In this episode of the Bowl of Cheese podcast, Jeff Cutler does a dramatic reading of Ernest Lawrence Thayer's masterpiece Casey at the Bat.

The reading is about four minutes long and is read as the piece appeared in the San Francisco Examiner on June 3, 1888.

For the complete transcript, visit Jeff Cutler dot com or Bowl of Cheese dot com.

And if you'd like your material to appear in Bowl of Cheese, call us at 206-888-2715 or send an email to podcast AT bowlofcheese DOT com.

This is episode 39 and is copyright by Novel Ideas.

This is Bowl of Cheese podcast show number 38 by Jeff Cutler. For full show notes, wander on over to http://bowlofcheese.com.

Call us at 206-888-2715 if you want to have your comments on the show or if you have ideas for topics we should tackle.

Thanks to John Wall for his promo (it runs at the end of the show) and to Natalie Gelman who skillfully and delightfully introduces the show.

This is Bowl of Cheese podcast show number 37 by Jeff Cutler. For full show notes, wander on over to http://bowlofcheese.com.

Call us at 206-888-2715 if you want to have your comments on the show or if you have ideas for topics we should tackle.

Or send an email to podcast@bowlofcheese.com.

Here's the transcript for Bowl of Cheese Podcast 36.

Get the show HERE and subscribe via iTunes...just click on the iTunes link in the right sidebar.

And you can always call us at 206-888-2715 with your comments, show ideas and random thoughts.

As I glance around the bungalow from the double recliner I realize that the everyday objects around me could have a life of their own. Similar to the toys in Pixar’s movies, the slippers on the floor, the multiple beer bottles in the trash or the super-secret money belt on the chair across the room could all be conspiring to affect my downfall.

It’s not that I woke up on the irrational side of the bed today, it’s that I feel housebound and needed something creative and fun to snap me out of it. Usually that means reading some other blogs or listening to a podcast.

Trouble is, the weather outside really is frightful and in 32 hours I’ve left the house a grand total of three times. Once to move the car out of the snowplow’s way. Once to stand on the porch and pay the sushi delivery guy. And once to see if anyone sends regular mail anymore.

It turns out that people do use the U.S. mails to send bills, pleas for money and those really useful bundles of supermarket flyers and SuperCoups. Other than that I suspect the post office is just treading water.

Why else would they introduce a FOREVER stamp...you know, one that is good for first-class postage FOREVER...why would they intro it in the fall and now have plans to jack the rates by another penny in May? That doesn’t make too much marketing sense.

Either does tying up all my savings in Forever Stamps right now so that I can save a penny each time I mail in a bill therefore sticking it to the man.

But right now the only man who’s getting it stuck to him is me. How convoluted a sentence was that?

I’m listening to the heat whistle a little and I realize that the boiler is going to need more water soon, and that means going outside and around to the basement. What was my point? Oh, yes, the incredible frightness of being.

If I spend much more time inside I’ll be a solo version of Jack Nicholson in the shining. Luckily I don’t own an ax and I’m much more stable than these podcasts might indicate.

While I’m regularly contributing items to my things to worry about Web site - yup, just like it sounds... thingstoworryabout dot com - I sometimes have lesser worries that either freeze or motivate me. I think we all do.

Like if I don’t throw out the milk, it will solidify in the fridge door and remain jammed there until I sell the house.

Or that if I keep wearing the money-belt as my regular belt it will start to crack and one day while I’m wandering the streets of Monte Carlo the Euros will show through the cracks and French hoodlums will drag me into an alley to taunt me with their attitude.

Or that the multiple beer bottles in the trash bucket are a clear indicator that I might have a drinking problem. The real problem being that the beers in the bucket at one time belonged to clownface and SHE would be a little less than pleased to find out that all I’ve left her to drink is some Miller Chill and a bottle of flat root-beer.

The flat root-beer is a remnant of the pizza delivery from last night. So I’ve been outside four times in 32 hours. That’s a little better.

Perhaps what I need to do by way of motivation is start a checklist. That way I’ll have some goals to keep me occupied while the weather sorts itself out and while I surge forward toward the sabbatical on March 1.

Sadly, I’ve asked Staples to deliver a white board to me and they refuse. So I’ll sit here in the chair, typing away and thinking about the next set of twisted images that could torment me until the snow goes away.

Hello lamp-post, what’cha knowin’?

More to come...

Full show notes at http://bowlofcheese.com.

Call us at 206-888-2715.

Or send an email to podcast@bowlofcheese.com.

Louie Lawent Louie/God Interviews.

Full show notes at http://bowlofcheese.com.

Call us at 206-888-2715.

Or send an email to podcast@bowlofcheese.com.

Full show notes at http://bowlofcheese.com.

Call us at 206-888-2715.

Or send an email to podcast@bowlofcheese.com.

Just go visit Bowl of Cheese dot com for the transcript of the show.

Call us at 206-888-2715 to be on the show or give me an idea for an upcoming show.

Or send me an email.

Go read the entire transcript at my blog.

Grab the MP3 File here (see below).

Or give me a call to be on the show. The NEW PHONE NUMBER, NEW PHONE NUMBER, NEW PHONE NUMBER is 206-888-2715.

Email works OK, but leaving a comment in the show notes at Bowl of Cheese dot com is better. Just go there and sign in.

Thanks,

Jeff Cutler